Blankets just slip and slide...

Least informative infomercials:

The Snuggie -- It's Like a Robe, but backwards!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xZp-GLMMJ0

Nu Wave Oven -- a.k.a. The GE Trivection Oven?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4GcXw5ZT0k

Driving Miss Crazy

So far I've been in Florida for two months and I've encountered a lot of really crazy drivers.  Like for instance the one day I was waiting for a light at an intersection.  It was hot outside, so I had my windows rolled probably a quarter of the way down.  This guy on a motorcycle drives up right next to me in the next lane and asks me "If I have a few dollars to spare."  Flabbergasted, I say "uh...I don't have any cash on me" (which is the truth -- I never carry cash on me.  That way if some crazy crackhead asks me for money, I won't feel guilty not giving them any).  Then thankfully the light changes and we go our separate ways.  

There was another day recently when I turned down a one-way street, only to find this old lady heading straight toward me.  She stops her car, and throws her hands up in the air like "I give up!"  That's really the best thing to do when you drive the wrong way on a street -- stop and throw your hands in the air.  I think I remember learning that in driver's ed classes.  Anyways, I continue driving and also throw my hands up in the air, mocking her gesture, like "hey you're driving the wrong way!"  I squeeze past her and think that these are the people who can't figure out simple things like voting.  

Everything I learned I learned from BOB

Speaking of Halloween, after the block party, a bunch of us went dancing.  Actually we went to a bar where there was some loud music playing and we tore it up on a really sketch dance floor.  There were a lot of really creepy men who also enjoyed dancing around.  On us.  But not for long.  Yes, that's right.  I put to practice my cock-blocking skills that I learned from BOB.  So this is for all the BOBs who came before me and taught me how to skillfully get away from creepers.  Everyone was thanking me, and I wanted to say "Don't thank me -- thank Beta Omega Beta," but I didn't because I was kinda tipsy.  But this for all the BOBs.  Thanks.

Halloween in the Tropics

A True Story:

Last night, I was strolling along in Downtown Sarasota with a bunch of the theatre interns.  We were heading toward our Mecca: the Block Party.  We're all in costume -- hippies, nun, pirate, snowbird in training, and Sarah Palin (that was me).  We come to an intersection, and as we're waiting to cross the road, this lady walks by in a McCain/Palin t-shirt.  I shout "Woo hoo!  McCain/Palin!"  This lady sees me, stops, and says "Are you being serious or sarcastic?"  In my head I'm going "She's going to punch me in the face.  She's going to break my chic glasses I bought at Claires!"  I calmly reply to her "kinda sarcastic..." and then she looks at me, laughs, and high fives me.  We're doing the whole Oprah/Gale high five with the fingers intertwined...it was awkwardly amazing.  I thought "here's a lady with a creative costume -- she's dressed up as a McCain supporter!"  She starts telling me this story about how someone spit in her face and I'm like "that's horrible!  It's Halloween.  You should be able to wear what you want."  Then she looks at me again and asks "wait...are you being serious or sarcastic?"  I pause, then say "sarcastic..."  She gives me a dirty look.  That's about the point I realized that her McCain/Palin t-shirt was not part of a Halloween costume.  In fact, I think it might have been the only t-shirt she owned.  It wasn't even white anymore.  It was definitely a shade of yellow.  After I had my epiphany, I go to the interns "Let's go find that block party, huh?" and we depart from my homeless, Republican version of Gale.  

Yes, in that relationship, I was Oprah.